Clean Plate Rule

As I sit here typing, my husband, Marc, and Zach, our 2 year old, are downstairs locked in a power struggle over zip-lock baggies. Zach refuses to pick up the baggies that he threw all over the floor and Marc refuses to let him go play until he does. I can't help but reminisce of my childhood days sitting stubbornly at the dinner table refusing to eat my dinner. My parents had a strict clean plate rule when I was growing up and it was enforced regularly.

I need to tread lightly here as I realize there so many disciplines of thought on this subject. Some folks swear that the clean plate rule leads to obesity. However, common sense prevails with me. I know many a "clean plate rule" survivor and they are not obese, far from it.

Instead of the clean plate rule, today I find that many parents turn to bribes, coaxing, or catering to their kid's mealtime desires at the expense of their own exhaustion. It makes me wonder... Are we pacifying our kids for fear that we'll ruin them psychologically? Or are we all too tired to put up the fight? A little of both, maybe?

I'm the first to admit that before I had kids, I had all the answers to dealing with picky eaters. In fact, I use to write articles and give lectures on the subject. My steadfast belief was that kids will not starve. Provide them with healthy choices at mealtime and if they do not eat, do not offer food until the next meal. Don't make it a power struggle, just offer healthy stuff and take it away if they do not eat it - no food until the next meal.

That was all before I became a parent. I now realize that kids have the tenacity to make your life a living hell when they are hungry. They whine, they cry, they throw things, they sneak into the refrigerator, and then they eat the dog's food (Okay, maybe just my kid does that.) They do everything possible to wear you down until you just want to throw in the towel and give them what they want.

So I have the utmost empathy for those that look for the quick fix... I understand the "just get him/her to shut up already" desperation. I'm not going to lie, I find myself acting out of parent desperation more often than I like. I know I need to get it under control because 2 year olds turn into 16 year olds and it will just get harder with each passing year. No he won't be crying for a lollipop at age sixteen, it will be something worse...much worse.

Alas, I know Marc is hurting right now as he stands his ground. (AND he is already an hour late for poker night!) But as I have discovered via bike trip and all, the path feeling really good about yourself involves enduring some pain. And that is one of the most important lessons we have to teach our children.

Instant gratification, although it makes you feel good right now, never leads to long-term happiness. In fact, its just the opposite... only through hard work, effort and sacrifice can you achieve a greater sense of self-worth and happiness. These actions go a lot further than any gratuitous "good job" or undeserved participation trophy.

So as I painfully listen to Zach's constant whining downstairs, I remind myself that we all have to look at the big picture when making choices as parents, as dieters, exercisers and in other aspects of everyday life as well.

Marc and Zach -