Clean Plate Rule

As I sit here typing, my husband, Marc, and Zach, our 2 year old, are downstairs locked in a power struggle over zip-lock baggies. Zach refuses to pick up the baggies that he threw all over the floor and Marc refuses to let him go play until he does. I can't help but reminisce of my childhood days sitting stubbornly at the dinner table refusing to eat my dinner. My parents had a strict clean plate rule when I was growing up and it was enforced regularly.

I need to tread lightly here as I realize there so many disciplines of thought on this subject. Some folks swear that the clean plate rule leads to obesity. However, common sense prevails with me. I know many a "clean plate rule" survivor and they are not obese, far from it.

Instead of the clean plate rule, today I find that many parents turn to bribes, coaxing, or catering to their kid's mealtime desires at the expense of their own exhaustion. It makes me wonder... Are we pacifying our kids for fear that we'll ruin them psychologically? Or are we all too tired to put up the fight? A little of both, maybe?

I'm the first to admit that before I had kids, I had all the answers to dealing with picky eaters. In fact, I use to write articles and give lectures on the subject. My steadfast belief was that kids will not starve. Provide them with healthy choices at mealtime and if they do not eat, do not offer food until the next meal. Don't make it a power struggle, just offer healthy stuff and take it away if they do not eat it - no food until the next meal.

That was all before I became a parent. I now realize that kids have the tenacity to make your life a living hell when they are hungry. They whine, they cry, they throw things, they sneak into the refrigerator, and then they eat the dog's food (Okay, maybe just my kid does that.) They do everything possible to wear you down until you just want to throw in the towel and give them what they want.

So I have the utmost empathy for those that look for the quick fix... I understand the "just get him/her to shut up already" desperation. I'm not going to lie, I find myself acting out of parent desperation more often than I like. I know I need to get it under control because 2 year olds turn into 16 year olds and it will just get harder with each passing year. No he won't be crying for a lollipop at age sixteen, it will be something worse...much worse.

Alas, I know Marc is hurting right now as he stands his ground. (AND he is already an hour late for poker night!) But as I have discovered via bike trip and all, the path feeling really good about yourself involves enduring some pain. And that is one of the most important lessons we have to teach our children.

Instant gratification, although it makes you feel good right now, never leads to long-term happiness. In fact, its just the opposite... only through hard work, effort and sacrifice can you achieve a greater sense of self-worth and happiness. These actions go a lot further than any gratuitous "good job" or undeserved participation trophy.

So as I painfully listen to Zach's constant whining downstairs, I remind myself that we all have to look at the big picture when making choices as parents, as dieters, exercisers and in other aspects of everyday life as well.

Marc and Zach -

Reverse Psychology?

People are always amazed when they see our kids, Zach, 2 and Lauren, 9 months, devouring their vegetables. (What they don't know is that our kids devour everything we put in front of them - see picture below.) But this topic always leads us into talking about the psychology of eating. Ever notice that if you take something away from your kid - they obsess over it until you give in or lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from the tantrum. (Okay, maybe that's just at our house.)


Anyhow, it sometimes seems that we are counterproductive in our attempts at dieting. We take everything we love to eat away and expect success. Even the most disciplined of people have a weak moment now and then. So what is the best psychology in terms of dieting? And better yet, what is the best method to make certain foods not so appealing?

A former coworker of mine, told me about this "Aversion" Program that she worked for in Alaska. She was hired to help people get over food and cigarette addictions using a form of aversion therapy. The process was as follows: Clients were instructed to sit in front of a mirror. They would then consume the addictive substance in large quantity. While they were eating, smoking, etc., her job was to verbally abuse them. She told them how disgusting, lazy, fat, etc. they looked. (Yes, they actually paid money for this!) Clients would watch themselves in the mirror and then repeat these mantras about how gross they looked. Talk about an awful job, especially for a sweet lady. I guess jobs in Alaska were hard to come by. Obviously I don't recommend this type of therapy to anyone, but I'm sure it had it's share of success and horror stories.

What I have discovered over the years and via my training in wellness promotion, is that behavior modification comes in various forms. There is no "one size fits all" answer. But, here's what I found to work most often.

1. Make a Plan: Write it down, post it on facebook, tell the world about it. Writing it will make it tangible, expressing it makes it real. I remember our planning days before taking our big bike trip. Once we made the official announcement to our family and friends, there was absolutely no turning back.

2. Set Measureable, Realistic Goals: You can make your goals small at first, but make sure they are measurable. Some examples: Run a mile in 9 minutes by the end of August, Lose 2 pounds a month, Eat no more than 100 g of carb a day for 6 out of 7 days a week. For our bike trip, we planned out each day's mileage and set some deadlines for arriving at certain destinations. This was a great system for motivating us on those cold, foggy mornings.

3. Rewards : For each measurable goal that you set - create a reward for its completion. Rewards can be in any form but make it something really worthwhile to you. Some examples: A new workout outfit, a day off from the exercise/diet routine, a massage.

4. Public Ending: Sign up for a 5K, Triathalon or other race, go on a beach vacation or plan a family or classmate reunion. Making a public appearance with your new physique will be the best long-term motivator. Other people will be watching and you want to complete the race, or look great in your clothes or swimsuit.